i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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