why didn't you poke me back
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
