Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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