i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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