Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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