Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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