My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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