apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
