STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
