The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
