im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
