What a fucking waste of an outfit
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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