Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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