But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
