I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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