Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
