guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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