i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
