It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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