when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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