Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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