Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
