We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
