His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize