One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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