Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
