Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
