he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
