kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
