And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
