omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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