You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Houston, we have a blender
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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