my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
