I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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