Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
