I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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