I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
third nipple confirmed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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