i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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