Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
