I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
