Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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