ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
