I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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