I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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