Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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