hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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