I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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