True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
