I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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