So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
