I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
