Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We have started to decorate penises.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
