I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
