i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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