theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
