Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
