"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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