Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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