I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
