we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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