Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
