Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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