u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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