my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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