Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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