____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
