This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
