Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
