do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
