I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
