We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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