I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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