if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And then he peed in my hair
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