I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
