Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was CRYING into my vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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