I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
