I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
