he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
