Who did Billy Mays play for?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
