MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
