Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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