There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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