At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
